Robin Tweets About
by TheFriendZone
Summary: A collection of various tweets by the legendary tactician reveal a side that history tried so hard to forget...
1. Life

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _BIG_ST1K_r08!n_

 _Are tomes magic books? Or are we magic people?_

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _BIG_ST1K_r08!n_

 _Sully cooks about as well as Emmeryn flies._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _BIG_ST1K_r08!n_

 _My purple coat got dirty. I had to wear my slightly more purple coat instead. I felt foolish._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _BIG_ST1K_r08!n_

 _It was my turn to patrol the camp today. I spent most of my time spying on the girl's wash tent. I hope they don't read my tweets._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _BIG_ST1K_r08!n_

 _They do..._

 _#BadDay_

* * *

 _A/N_

Yeah, just a dumb story. Don't expect plot, or logic, or any common decency.

Until Next Time!


	2. Family

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _BIG_ST1K_r08!n_

 _We met a new recruit in the desert today._

 _She's a scantily clad little girl._

 _I'm having second thoughts about the Shepherds._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _BIG_ST1K_r08!n_

 _The feelings I have towards Nowi confuse and frighten me._

 _I no longer want to remember who I was..._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _BIG_ST1K_r08!n_

 _Apparently my children came from the future to help us._

 _They are also dragons._

 _This is such bullshit..._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _BIG_ST1K_r08!n_

 _My kids told me they wanted a puppy._

 _I told them I wanted my memories back._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _BIG_ST1K_r08!n_

 _Me and the family went shopping today. Apparently a grown man marrying someone that looks like a ten year old girl is frowned upon._


	3. Arguments

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Chrom and I got into an argument._

 _He said I needed a new coat._

 _I said he needed a new sister._

 _Robin:1_

 _Chrom:0_

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Anyone know where I can find a purple coat store?_

 _I'd ask Chrom, but we're not speaking right now._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Did I ever tell you how much Chrom sucks at being king?_

 _He's super bad at it._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _It's not like I like Chrom or anything. He's just a stupid idiot._

* * *

Ch0Rm4Liv

 _We're friends again._


	4. Fanfiction

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _I found a weird book in the woods that has stories about me and the Shepherds in it._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _One of the stories in the book is called_ Only the Young _by some guy named "The Almighty Dork"._

 _Sounds like a neat story, will message when I know more._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Naga, that was the dumbest thing I've ever read._

 _The Almighty Dork should be ashamed of himself._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _The Almighty Dork messaged me, saying he'd punish me for not liking his story._

 _Real mature, pal..._

* * *

PriNCes-Rob-Rob123

 _So I woke up and a few weird things happened._

 _Apparently I'm a woman and married to Chrom now._

 _I'm sure I just ate something weird last night._

* * *

PriNCes-Rob-Rob123

 _I'm now six years old._

 _You win this round, Dork..._

* * *

 _A/N_

Don't fuck with me again, Robin.

Don't you ever try to fuck me.


	5. Smash Bros

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _So Nintendo approached me about being in Smash Bros._

 _Will tweet answer when I have it._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Said yes._

 _Have fun Smashing with me!_

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _WHAT DO YOU MEAN I SUCK IN SMASH!?_

 _WHO THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO KILL!?_

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Oh Gods, they're right..._

 _Way too clunky and can't even take a single hit..._

 _Lucina's just laughing it up..._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _So Corrin got into Smash._

 _He's gonna suck just as hard as I do, I just know it..._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _FUCK YOU, CORRIN!_

* * *

 _A/N_

I'm actually exhausted of Smash. My friends keep making me play it, and I'm just mentally drained of it.


	6. Friends

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _So I convinced my friends to get on Twitter. Should be fun._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Anyone else notice that tuft of hair in Panne's cleavage? Like, doesn't it itch?_

B1g-Ers23

 _WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY MOM'S CLEAVAGE, ROBIN!?_

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _It was an honest question, Yarne._

B00KQueen21

 _Faaaaaaather! Stop being embarrassing!_

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _You stop. Little miss Read Dad's Twitter Feed All Day._

DrgonKid62

 _Just wait until Mother sees this!_

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _IT WAS A LEGITIMATE QUESTION._

lolilizardgurl

 _My husband is a pervert..._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _This was a bad decision._

* * *

 _A/N_

Yep. This happened.


	7. Reunions

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Gods, that vacation was just what I needed!_

ChromTheKingMan2

 _Vacation!? YOU GOT DRUNK ON BEACH WHILE YOU LEFT YOUR FRIENDS TO THINK YOU DIED!  
_

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _I know. It was the happiest time of my life. Killing Grima gave me the reward I truly deserved._

ChromTheKingMan2

 _Your children thought you were dead._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _There were crabs all over the place. Outworld was full of them, for some reason. Made awesome seafood with them._

ChromTheKingMan2

 _You're wife thought she was going to be a widow._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _You know you're just like Grima, right? Everyone's happy, having a good time; then BOOM! You come in and everything's dead._

ChromTheKingMan2

 _We had a funereal and everything... You're buried next to my parents..._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Chrom... You're missing the point. I had a wonderful vacation. Why can't you be happy for me?_

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Why is everyone so mad at me? So I let you guys think I was dead for a few months. It happens._

B00KQueen21

 _NO. THEY DON'T! NO SANE HUMAN BEING DOES THAT TO PEOPLE!_

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _That's a tad dramatic. I came back, didn't I?_

DrgonKid62

 _Me and Morgan hugged each other.. and cried together... We thought we lost you all over again..._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _I was on the beach. Frankly, I'm surprised no one found me. You guys go there all the time._

B00KQueen21

 _We were grieving!_

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _So take that as a lesson girls. If you don't pay attention to your surroundings, your father will leave and never come back._

DrgonKid62

 _You're a horrible father._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Least I had an awesome beach trip._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Nowi, you aren't mad at me, are you?_

lolilizardgurl

 _..._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Honey?_

lolilizardgurl

 _I'm not mad._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _..._

 _My hair just caught fire..._

lolilizardgurl

 _I'm a little mad._

* * *

 _A/N_

So this is the Dork, who has returned.

After a certain point, I hit a wall. I stared at blank pages for hours, every idea blobbing into one ball that made me feel like my head was filled with fluff.

It took outright forcing myself to finish a chapter to another story I had to spark the engine again.

I'm _better_ , but I'm not at full gear again.

This certainly helped. Had a lot of fun writing it.

Basically, the idea is that after the final boss, where Robin sacrifices himself, he actually came to a lot earlier, and decided to take a 'vacation' from his friends. Letting them think he was dead for months.

My dark humor hasn't changed.


	8. Mistakes

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Going to the pub tonight. Bound to be a fun night._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Okay, not a great time. A few people are dead._

ChromTheKingMan2

 _If you just paid the tab, it wouldn't have escalated so far._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _I'm not paying fifty gold pieces for a few shots! That's strong-arm robbery._

ChromTheKingMan2

 _The mind-control spell was a bad idea, also. I keep finding brains in my cloak._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _THE BOOK WAS FINE THE DAY BEFORE! I think Morgan drew on it or something..._

ChromTheKingMan2

 _Well the barkeep isn't getting a new head, Robin._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _It's a tragedy. Bar tending is an under appreciated art._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Having the worst luck this week. First the bar thing, now Nowi is dragging me to the pet store. Plus side, nothing bad happens there._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _OH GODS! OH GODS! IT ENDED WAY WORSE THAN THE BAR!_

lolilizardgurl

 _Robin, why did you do that to those puppies..._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _I'M SO SORRY! GODS, I STILL HEAR THEM SCREAMING!_

lolilizardgurl

 _Why did you even bring a fire spell? We were petting bunnies!_

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _I'm trying to stay prepared! Those puppies shouldn't have surprised me like that!_

lolilizardgurl

 _They were licking your toes..._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Gods... this week can't get any worse..._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Lucina... I just want to start my twenty step apology by saying you're a wonderful person with a lot of potential._

DaddysGurl51

 _Robin. I'm going to kill you.  
_

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _I honestly just tripped over one of the support spikes! But we were gonna renovate the wash tent anyway, and only a few people saw you._

DaddysGurl51

 _SILENCE OR I'LL CUT OUT YOUR TONGUE!_

* * *

 _A/N  
_

Everyone has come across bad luck in some way.

It just so happens Robin has _a lot_ of bad luck.


	9. Trust

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Does anyone know where I left my spell-book? I can't find it anywhere._

ChromTheKingMan2

 _Didn't you leave it in the mess hall?_

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Right, right, forgot._

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Okay, funnyman. Seriously, give me my book back._

ChromTheKingMan2

 _It wasn't in the mess tent?_

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Nope. Searched for over an hour._

lolilizardgurl

 _I think I saw it in your tent the last time I was in there._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Wow! That's a great idea! Maybe I should look there for the fiftieth time!_

DaddysGurl51

 _You do not need to be rude, Robin._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Then give me my book back.  
_

ChromTheKingMan2

 _Are you seriously implying that Lucina took it!?  
_

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _I don't know, Chrom... Why so quick to put the thought in my head...?  
_

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _Morgan, did you take my spell book?  
_

B00KQueen21

 _No._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _I'm being serious. Call off your little prank war and give me that book!  
_

DrgonKid62

 _Father, she doesn't have it. We've been shopping in town all day._

BIG_ST1K_r08!n  


 _... Nah... Do you have something you want to tell me...?_

B00KQueen21

 _You've got to be joking...  
_

* * *

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _WILL YOU JUST GIVE ME MY DAMN SPELL BOOK!?_

ChromTheKingMan2

 _Robin, we don't have it. You're far too paranoid about this.  
_

BIG_ST1K_r08!n

 _You wanna know what I think, Chrom!? I think you all HID my spell book, because I make bad choices with it!_

ChromTheKingMan2

 _..._

B00KQueen21

 _..._

DrgonKid62

 _..._

DaddysGurl51

 _..._

lolilizardgurl

 _He's not wrong.  
_


	10. Immigration

BIG_ST1K_r08!N

 _Now, Chrom, you know I'm not a bigot._

ChromtheKingMan2

 _Right._

BIG_ST1K_r08!N

 _And I would never propose anything that would be obscene or cruel._

ChromtheKingMan2

 _Okay._

BIG_ST1K_r08!N

 _But can we PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT ALL THESE DIMENSION HOPPERS!? EVERYDAY I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH THE "THIS IS AN I-PHONE" SPEECH. NAGA'S SAKE, I COULD DO TECH SUPPORT AT THIS RATE!_

ChromtheKingMan2

 _What's 'tech support?'_

BIG_ST1K_r08!N

 _Some of the Outworlders did it as a job. It's fixing those weird glass things we all use to tweet. BUT THE POINT IS CAN WE PLEASE FIND A WAY TO KEEP THEM FROM COMING!?_

ChromtheKingMan2

 _Robin, we can't curb immigration. These are people who have been transported from their worlds into ours. We need to accomadate them and learn from each other. Only then can we all come together as a proud world._

DaddysGurl51

 _Father, they keep *masturbating* to me! I don't know why! Make them stop!_

ChromtheKingMan2

 _THEY DO WHAT!?_

BIG_ST1K_r08!N

 _That's another thing! They keep making pornography of the girls. Including some very disturbing works involving me and my wife with EXTREMELY PERSONAL DETAILS INCLUDED!_

lolilizardgurl

 _Those cat ears are our property, and we would very much like them back! Don't judge our love!_

BIG_ST1K_r08!N

 _THAT'S RIGHT! YOU TELL THEM, NOWI!_

ChromtheKingMan2

 _We're sending these freaks to Nohr! Those losers can handle the population bump._

CorrinThePrincess6969

 _Speak for yourselves, Ylissean douches. We get at least thirty neckbeards an hour wanting to go on some big journey, or make a harem, or whatever they want._

B00KQueen21

 _I think they're neat. They have really funny clothes!_

BIG_ST1K_r08!N

 _Yeah, you can stop being positive. This sucks ass._

ChromtheKingMan2

 _We never should've stopped Grima._


End file.
